Bedminster crocodile eats Southville chicken

In an attempt to stretch out a piece of non-news as far as we possibly can, the Groan can  reveal that the Bristol crocodile has eaten the Southville chicken.

The semi-mythical feral chicken was eaten in one bite by the fictional river animal, after it laid across a log and pretended to be a see-saw.

The report came via a series of tongue-in-cheek posts on social networking website Twitter. In the words of one user, @cleverclogs0_0, "It is definitely true. In a metaphorical sense."