In an attempt to stretch out a piece of non-news as far as we possibly can, the Groan can reveal that the Bristol crocodile has eaten the Southville chicken.
The semi-mythical feral chicken was eaten in one bite by the fictional river animal, after it laid across a log and pretended to be a see-saw.
The report came via a series of tongue-in-cheek posts on social networking website Twitter. In the words of one user, @cleverclogs0_0, "It is definitely true. In a metaphorical sense."